Muuu

前陣子重訓太累加上工作忙碌，病倒了；生病又加上生理期，在一個人日常絕對的安靜感裡，只剩下活著的必須——如何在酷暑裡，把營養熬成一滴滴能吞入口的維繫。Reset，重新調整生活的節奏和目標，去除那些徒增漣漪的枝微末節與煩惱。

週六難得不需要按表操課，給自己和某人好好放天假、讓一切慢下來，不時彼此一起 emo ——生活裡的待辦事項太多，有時就需要瘋瘋癲癲，讓情緒自由；也更明白愛自己的重心，以及能給予的界線和優先順序。

漫步在民生社區的小巷，曾經喜歡的圍裙小店，已是廢墟一片，似乎已經轉型為線上工作室了——人屆中年，總是在不斷失去的漫漫圍城裡，重新找出一抔屬於自己的天地，保持希望。

最近讀到陳德政翻譯了 Bob Dylan 訪談，依舊是讓自己激動的詩意與對生命難以言喻的銳利——不再抓住去控制什麼，而是跟著生活未知的線索前行；有時即便知曉徒勞，依舊保有對生命的耐心。

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（原始出處）

巴布狄倫今年五月年滿85歲，《紐約時報》日前詢問了狄倫在內，一些美國知名人物年過80的心得，緣由是川普也剛滿80歲。

以下是狄倫的體悟，句句是活過的滋味：

八十歲最棒的地方，是一路追著你跑的時鐘，終於追不上你了。你從人生可被掌控的謊言中得到自由。你不再追逐遊行隊伍，像某個消逝國度裡年邁的國王。不再輕易地被塑造，不再急著成為某種人，也不會被自己做過的事糾纏。真正糾纏你的，是你終於明白：許多曾經以為無比重要的事，其實無足輕重。

八十歲最糟糕的地方，是你依然對許多事充滿興趣，但世界已不再徵詢你的意見。心裡蒼老的火苗，仍催促你去做這個、完成那個，身體卻說，我們已經做過了。再也沒有任何事能讓你驚訝，這聽來令人稱羨，實情並非如此，你喪失了自我蒙蔽的能力。人們看待你，不是認為你參透了什麼，就是失去了什麼，其實都不是。你看著生命一遍又一遍地重複自己。

而八十歲最殘酷的真相是：當你終於看透了足以扭轉命運的道理，卻早已失去改變的時機。年輕時，你以為時間會向前流動。來到八十歲才明瞭，時間始終佇立在原地。移動的，是我們。

The best thing about being 80 is that you outlive the clocks that have been chasing you. It’s freedom from that lie that anything was ever under control. You don’t chase the parade anymore. You’re an old king from some vanished country. You’re harder to program. You’re not rushing to become anything and you’re not haunted by things that you did. You’re haunted by how little of it really mattered in the way you thought it would.

The worst thing about being 80 is that you still want to say yes to everything, but the world moves without asking. The old fire in your heart still tells you to do this and that, but your body says we already did it. Also, nothing surprises you. It sounds like a luxury but it’s not, and also you’ve run out of illusions. People treat you like either you’ve solved something or you’ve lost something, and you haven’t. You see life repeating itself everywhere.

The really worst part about being 80 is that you find, at last, you’ve got an understanding of something that might have altered everything in the past, had it come at a time when something could still be altered. When you’re young you think that time moves forward. At 80 you know that it doesn’t; it stands still. We’re the ones that move.